Madness in Me
by stilinskiboner
Summary: He would do everything to get her back, even if it meant losing his life in the process. He was going to fight like hell to stay alive, though, because he was going to be a father for her. He wasn't going to die on her. No, this was the one thing he couldn't mess up. Roman Godfrey was going to get his daughter back.


**A/N: Not expecting too many views on this tbh. I wish more people watched Hemlock Grove, god dammit.**

…

Madness in Me

…

Roman couldn't sit still. Sitting still was a never a strong suit for him, never had been even as a child. He guessed it had something to do with being an upir. He glanced across the room as noticed Peter was doing the exact opposite, sitting with his head in his hands. Roman made a face before shaking it off and continuing to pace.

There had to be some way to get his baby back. She was _his._ Granted, he wasn't an award winning father, he was still trying. He didn't know how to take care of a baby; he was eighteen for fuck's sakes. What kind of eighteen year old knew how to take care of a baby? Besides those teen moms. But that beside the point.

He needed her back; this was all probably some master plan his mother had conjured up out of boredom. All she ever wanted was to make his life hell, and that's exactly what she'd done. He hadn't been starving for blood before she had come along and he realized his true calling. He wished nothing more than for her to just be dead, but clearly the bitch had other plans. She was here, and she wasn't going anywhere.

He wanted to see Shelley, craved to see his baby sister, but Pryce wouldn't let him near her, wouldn't let anyone near her. She was heartbroken and depressed and that was something Roman had never wanted to see her feel. It had happened anyway, though. All due to that blasted woman who gave birth to him.

Destiny sat on the couch next to Peter, her hand on his shoulder. Her eyes were focused on Roman who was pacing around the kitchen, though, his emotions clearly flying in thousands of different directions. She wasn't sure it was best for her to be around him, not when he was like this, but she needed to be here for Peter. Whether the baby had been under Roman's care or not, it had still been Letha's baby, the baby Peter had planned on fathering. But that had all clearly gone to shit the second Letha died.

Peter didn't bother looking up; he could hear Roman's restlessness from across the room. Frankly, it was annoying him. He dealt with his emotions in that were much different from Roman's methods, running being his first instinct. He knew he couldn't do that this time, though. He couldn't leave Roman behind again; he wouldn't.

He felt his cousin's hand pressed against his shoulder, though the feeling did little to comfort him. He had trouble processing the fact that Miranda had not only jumped off the building with Nadia, but that they had both been taken by that _thing_. Peter and Roman had both seen a lot of things in the short time they'd been friends, but that definitely had not been on the list. So, now, not only was the baby gone, but so was Miranda. The baby, the last living piece of Letha, was officially gone, Miranda along with her.

Roman's incessant pacing was driving the other two occupants in the room up a wall, and he was well aware of that fact but he couldn't stop. Normally, he was always ready for a fight, always ready to defend what was his. But he was scared this time and he hated admitting that to himself because that made him blatantly human and it had been way too long since he'd been just that.

He only wanted his daughter back and as he glanced over at Peter again, he realized the werewolf was thinking the same. He was glad for his friendship with Peter to be intact again but he couldn't help but wonder how long that was going to last once Peter found out just who Nadia's father was. The whole situation was completely fucked up and Roman knew it, but it wasn't like he could change it. Not unless he planned on killing all witnesses and just pretend like Letha had never been pregnant in the first place.

He couldn't help what had happened; he didn't even remember getting her pregnant. But if Norman was actually his father, then Letha was his sister which made the situation even more fucked up, if that was possible. His family tree was probably the most complex thing he had ever known in his life. JR had been fucking Olivia, but so had Norman and Roman had been the product of the latter. He wasn't entirely sure about Shelley's place in all of this because there had been so many lies, so much deceit, that he was hesitant to believe anybody when it came to her. Letha had been Norman's daughter which meant that technically she was his half-sister. So, basically, to put it in short, Roman had fucked his half-sister and impregnated her.

It was no wonder why Nadia was as powerful and different as she was, with Roman being an upir and her parents being technical siblings.

It hurt his head too much to really think about it all. He heard an impatient sigh across the room and looked over to meet Peter's eyes.

"Would you _please_ stop pacing for two seconds?" The werewolf snapped.

Roman narrowed his eyes and made his way over to the couch, sitting on Peter's other side.

"What the hell are we supposed to do now?" He questioned. His anxiety was going to get the best of him, he knew. His daughter was taken by that thing, the family doctor he had known all his life, and she was probably never coming back. Not unless he, Peter, and Destiny came up with a somewhat decent plan to get her back that didn't involve getting themselves killed in the process, which was highly unlikely. He would never go to his mother for help, though. If anything, she would only make things harder. She wanted that baby for herself, and Roman had absolutely no intention of giving her what she wanted.

"If I knew, I would've fucking said something already," Peter quipped angrily. But as he looked over and saw the look in Roman's eyes, he softened. "We'll find a way. We have to."

Roman nodded nervously. Peter was lying; he was _so_ lying. All Roman wanted was his daughter back, and sure, he would help get Miranda back as well, but he couldn't find it in himself to really care about her wellbeing. She had, after all, jumped off a building with his daughter in her arms, as if it was her own. Roman had a soft spot for her, but that didn't mean he was going to immediately forgive her for getting Nadia and herself kidnapped by that thing.

"You guys, I really don't think there's a way this time," Destiny spoke up, a hint of remorse in her tone. She knew that together Peter and Roman were nearly unstoppable, both being fueled by their emotions; that was what made them such good friends. But this time it was different. She just had this _feeling_. This feeling that if the two went after Nadia and Miranda, they wouldn't come back, that they would die along the way and it would be a lost journey.

"Thanks for the increasing enthusiasm in us. Really helps," Peter rolled his eyes, his voice laced with sarcasm. He wanted that baby back just as much as Roman did, but he wasn't sure what to feel about Miranda. He knew he had to get her back too, because really all she had been trying to do was protect everyone in her own twisted way, but it had been a poor attempt. She had done everything the wrong way, and the fact that she had nearly killed Letha's baby irked him to no end. He knew that when (if) they got the two back, he wouldn't be able to trust Miranda. Not anymore.

"Do you even know what you're up against?" Destiny asked, sitting back to cross her arms. "This isn't some joke. This is _dangerous_."

"But," Peter argued, "You said the same about the vargulf and look where we are now."

Destiny laughed bitterly. "Peter, you've nearly turned yourself into the vargulf! Things are no better now than they were before. If anything, they're worse."

"I'm not going to let Nadia just _die_," Roman wormed himself into the fight, "She's my responsibility."

"She's part of Letha," Peter added hoarsely.

"And if you actually believe that I'm just going to sit back and watch her die, then you're just as bad as my mother," Roman said with a tone of finality. It didn't matter what Destiny said or even if she refused to help them; he was getting his daughter back.

"Fine," She gave in, "But unless you have a perfect plan, you're both going to die. And when I say perfect, I mean it. You can't run in there without a plan, not this time."

Peter blew a piece of hair out of his face and turned to face Roman. "Any ideas?"

Roman wished he knew. Nadia was his daughter; he should've been able to protect her. He was all so new at this whole parenting thing, though. All he knew was that he needed to get her back, to prove to her that he wasn't such a shit father, that he could do this. Peter would be with him, too, always helping. He could tell just from the way Peter was hunched together, a few distinct emotions flashing in his eyes, that he wanted to run. Roman knew just how hard it was for him to sit here when the instinct to run was much too strong to ignore, but Peter was doing it. He was still here, and Roman was more than thankful for that. He needed him; Peter and Shelley were all he had left.

"I have no fucking clue what to do," Roman finally said, his words sounding a lot like he admitting defeat. Peter nodded his head and flashed him an angry grin.

"Great, that's just fucking great. We're fucked; we're so fucked."

Destiny watched the exchange silently, messing with the rings on her fingers. She understood they needed the girls back, but she couldn't understand why they were always so willing to throw themselves into danger. It was clearly something they had bonded over.

"Roman, you're not even an upir, anymore. How exactly do you plan on fighting to get them back?" She questioned, silencing the boys' bickering.

And just like that, Roman snapped. He should've known going through the process of becoming human again was going to bite him in the ass. Every single thing he did ended up biting him in the ass. He felt the emotions he had been trying to repress surge up inside of him and he found himself throwing things around, smashing everything to the ground. There was a rage inside him, something that couldn't be tamed, and both Peter and Destiny watched in silence. Peter wasn't fazed by it, used to Roman's anger by this point, but Destiny bit her lip instinctively. She would never be able to change the way she felt about the upir, whether he was human or not; she would always have that feeling of anxiety around him.

Roman was breathing hard by the time he finished with his rampage, and when he looked up, he blinked in surprise. More than half of the room was destroyed, things in the kitchen having been no exception. He could only blame the rage he was born with on his mother; it was a trait she had so pleasantly passed on to him.

"I'll get Pryce to make me an upir again," He said wildly, his eyes looking quite crazed. Destiny quickly began to protest, but Peter shook his head.

"That's not a bad idea, honestly."

Destiny mentally groaned. Goddamn, how had she gotten stuck taking care of two idiot boys?

"It's impossible," She informed them, "you're stuck like this."

"No! There's got to be a way. He always has a way," Roman insisted, gesturing crazily.

"Even if there is, do you really want to go back to what you were?" She pressed, looking at him pointedly.

She was right, and he hated it. He had worked so hard to be human again, for the safety of not just everyone around him, but for his daughter as well. He planned on having the treatment done on her as well, but maybe that was a mistake. Maybe she should be strong; he wished that for just a moment he could at least have the strength and power back.

"Then what do you suggest we do?" He finally snapped. "Because right now Letha's baby is _gone_ and if we don't do something soon, she could end up dead."

"No," Destiny fought, "I think he had other plans for her. She won't be killed, but it'll probably be worse."

Oh, great. Even better. Destiny really was being a ray of sunshine today. He looked over to Peter who looked just as helpless as he felt.

"Maybe we should give it a day," She suggested. Both Roman and Peter stood up, ready to fight but she held up a hand.

"Both of you, calm down. We're rushing right now, and rushed plans always go to hell; you know that."

Once again, she was right. Roman wanted to hate her, but he couldn't. She was so dead on and both boys knew it. She could say whatever she wanted, but Roman knew he and Peter wouldn't stop planning. If it meant they had to keep secrets from her, then so be it. They were getting Nadia back one way or another.

"I'm not just going to let it go, Destiny," Peter argued, his voice rising.

"I don't expect you to! But right now, this isn't working. All we're doing is fighting, and you're not stupid enough to pretend like I'm not right."

Peter grimaced. "Fine, whatever. You can go home; Roman and I will keep planning."

Roman nearly smirked. Good, so Peter was with him on this. Destiny narrowed her eyes and glared at him.

"This is serious, Peter. It's not a game. You can plan all you want, but do _not_ exclude me from this. Promise me." She quirked an eyebrow at him, and he sighed before nodding.

"Fine, we'll keep you in the loop," He agreed. She watched him for a few seconds, probably to see if he was lying before slowly nodding her head and standing up. "I'm going home. I'm assuming you're staying here, though."

Peter nodded his head, and she glanced over at Roman. "But if you think for a second that either one of you can keep me out of the loop without me realizing it, you're dead wrong."

"Yes, Mom. Got it," Peter rolled his eyes. She might as well be his mother with her overbearing protectiveness.

Destiny narrowed her eyes at them both before slowly backing out of the house. Roman slumped against the couch and stared up at the ceiling. They were totally fucked. He was starting to fidget in anxiety, and the curious looks Peter kept shooting him were not helping.

If he couldn't get his baby back, Letha would never forgive him; she would absolutely despise him. Peter would too. Shelley would think he's a coward. It would all be his fault. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes before switching to sit in the position Peter had been in earlier.

"We'll get her back," Peter tried to comfort him, "Nothing's going to happen to her."

Roman glanced up at his friend laughed bitterly. "Something already did happen to her! She's gone, Peter. Gone. I was supposed to protect her; it's my job. I'm her fath- guardian."

He hoped Peter hadn't caught the near slip-up, but everything was against Roman today. Peter had paled, his skin ghostly white.

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing, I said nothing," Roman quickly backtracked. No, Peter would hate him. If Peter knew, he would hate him and then everything would fall apart all over again.

"Stop fucking lying," Peter snapped, "Tell me you didn't almost say what I thought you did."

Roman remained silent and stood up. He was fucked.

"Roman, tell me you didn't just fucking say that!"

Peter was infuriated, torn between confusion and anger. Roman wouldn't do that to Letha. No, there was no way. Letha had said it was angel. Maybe she had just been wrong. Maybe the rumors he had heard were right; maybe it had been rape and she had allowed her mind to wander. But he _knew _Roman. Or at least, he thought he did.

"You have to listen to me; I didn't know-," Roman was cut off by a swift punch to the jaw. He fought off Peter's swings and pushed him back.

"Would you just fucking sit down and listen to me?" He finally snapped, anger surging up again. Peter didn't sit, but remained silent all the same. Roman took a deep breath. How the hell was he supposed to explain this?

"I don't _know_ what happened. I didn't do it of my own free will. I had no idea the baby was even mine until Olivia mentioned it. I don't know how it happened, but it did. There's also the charming information that Letha was apparently really my half-sister. I'm in so much shit right now; I have no fucking idea what I'm doing or who I even am anymore."

"She's your daughter?" Peter finally asked after a few minutes of silence and glares.

Roman slowly nodded his head. "Yes."

Peter fell back against the couch and ran his hands up his face. "Fuck."

How in the hell had that happened? Peter couldn't even find the words to describe what exactly he was feeling, but he knew it wasn't good. How the hell do you rape someone without even realizing it?

"Did you rape her?" Peter questioned, glancing up at the former upir.

Roman winced and immediately shook his head. "No, I don't- I don't think so. It wasn't like that. I don't fucking know."

He rubbed his head and sat next to Peter. This friendship had brought them nothing but shit, but here they were anyway.

"How do you not know?"

Roman groaned. "I don't fucking know, okay? I have no idea who the hell I am anymore, let alone how or why I did the things I've done."

Peter shook his head. What the actual fuck had become of them? The baby he had wanted to father was _Roman's_. That wasn't supposed to happen; none of this was fucking normal anymore. And he had thought being a werewolf was stressful. He really had no fucking clue.

"I wanted to father that baby, you know? I was going to be there for her. But then she died," Peter's voice became hoarse, "And now I learn you're the father. What the hell am I supposed to think?"

Roman shrugged. "Who fucking knows? Think what you want. It doesn't change the fact that my daughter is missing and I'm stuck here with no idea how to get to her, how to help her, how to do anything."

"We have to get her back," Peter stated.

"If it's the last thing I do, I _will_ get her back," Roman promised, his voice steely.

And he meant it. He would do everything to get her back, even if it meant losing his life in the process. He was going to fight like hell to stay alive, though, because he was going to be a father for her. He wasn't going to die on her. No, this was the one thing he couldn't fuck up.

Roman Godfrey was going to get his daughter back.


End file.
